I think... just maybe... that things are coming together. Perhaps its been the uncanny resurfacing of the topic of death that has spurned this sudden interest in finally laying out the grid work for my near future. Perhaps its the lifestyle I must adopt for my summer trip and the implications that that approach to existence has for my values and those I will come to develop in the future. I know what sorts of experiences I want to have. And I believe I can make them happen, as long as something unexpected does not barricade me somehow. Which it is bound to do- but at least I now have some rudimentary plan. At least now I feel like I have direction, and that I actually want to pursue this new goal. The program fits in with my personal criteria for the life I want after college, and simultaneously suites the demands of proliferating my debt.
Americorps ... yeahhh. I was thinking I'd do Peace Corps, and get out of the country. But if I do an Americorps program for a year (NCCC) I can have loan deferment and an education stipend to use toward my loans. It will cover about a semester's worth of loans. But if I then go to VISTA Americorps for a year abroad, I can earn another. And then if I were to join the Peace Corps I could attend graduate school while abroad and active, and then have loan deferment and another stipend.
Perhaps I am simply procrastinating "real life". I do not want to be a waitress for some odd number of years and then fall into a career that I'm not interested in and settle down immediately. I think that if I get involved in these organizations, other opportunities for employment will manifest and I will be able to develop new goals, and continue to travel and explore and learn, while earning money to pay back these godforsaken loans (that I'm so glad exist, otherwise I wouldn't be in college at all...).
I think this could work...
On the other hand, if I had my way, I wouldn't be earning money at all. I would be WWOOFing and assuming the likeness of a nomad to the greatest possible degree until I stumbled upon some invigorating opportunity that captured my heart and mind.
But perhaps this method of more direct planning will be more fulfilling. Ahhhh I can't wait to explore!