Overload

Alright, this past week was a severe disappointment. I started working at Bolton, and my first two shifts I had the shittiest tasks one can be assigned. Dish room and Tables. Its work, so yes I am grateful for the payment opportunity, and perhaps the opportunity to meet some new people, but dear LORD I do not know if it is truly worth 6 bucks an hour(nach Taxes), when I'm there for four hours and .5 an hour is deducted for a meal break.

I had my first test in my German class today. I studied all week and then discovered that... eh, I basically blew it on the first page. At least 20 pts down the drain because I could NOT for the life of me, recall the vocabulary. The vocabulary I'd had three quizzes on and gotten 9/10 each time. Fuck my short term memory. Of terms that were not tested on but would have been helpful in explaining industrialization in Germany before WWI and the conditions of nation after the war, and how all the aspects of each were related, I could not remember "to cause" (verusachen) or "the soldier that was beat up" (which I still do not know). Gah, I have never done that poorly on any language exam. I'm beyond frustrated. Ich liebe Deutsch, und ich kann das nicht machen. Ich muss mehr Zeitstudieren verbringen.
Aber ich kann nicht! Ich have keinen Zeit! Ich bin so besetzt, dass ich kaum wach blieben kann. Und ich schlafe an viel, wie ich kann. FUCKKKKK

And Aldrich is expressing Myco symptoms. I cannot afford to take him to the vet... so basically he is going to suffer and make awful noises all night because he is struggling to breath, and I'm just going to sit there and pout and feel terrible. Damnt, I bought the fucking vermin last week and he's dying. If he were a toy I'd take him back, but thats not even something I would consider-I'm attached, I love the little brat, and its a RAT. What have I gotten myself involved in? I do not need any more stress. And although Gimoo is not showing respiratory distress, he is excreting this red goop out of his nose, which is another sign of the disease starting to affect him. So I think both my rats are going to die.

Fuck.

I'm sorry. I'm stressed. This was a pointless rant, because I feel guilty dumping this on my friends over and over again, and I hate hearing myself complain. It just makes me feel worse. And then I get upset that all I'm thinking of is myself. Fuck I gotta toke!