Sophisticated Nonsense

The photo shows myself this morning, with glasses, and my rat Aldrich. If you will notice I have pierced my eyebrow. I also have a dreadlock, which was due to an impromptu "Alright!" when they were doing them at a party last Wed(?). Beginning to regret that one just a smidge... it hurts like hell and its not "locking"- perhaps the opposite. I don't know how to maintain baby dreadlocks, I thought part of the point was not giving a rat's ass and letting it do its thing, which eventually should lead to a said dreaded lock. I'm being impatient.
I cut my thumb open when grating cheese today when I was making a breakfast casserole. I grated a chunk of my flesh. It looked pretty cool at first- Like a really thick hangnail that doesn't hurt like a bitch. I thought "Ah, perhaps it won't bleed, that'd be great!" But sure enough, as I watched it a deluge of blood rushed to the surface and began to spread out of the tiny wound. "Ah shit!" So... That was fun. Well, bandages are fun afterwards... until they hinder you. I cant decide if I like little injuries or not.
RAMBLEFEST AUGUST 2010.
Tomorrow = first day of classes. I'm honestly really looking forward to this semester. I like my new place a lot, and I feel I learned a great deal about myself this summer, and I cannot wait to go socialize again and try shit out and really get to know some good new people. (SIDE RANT: I really love people. I want to know everyone so badly- but I understand that would be a bad thing. But socializing never took up much of my time when growing up, and now I truly enjoy it, and I'm having to re-prioritize things in my life to accommodate the pasttime in case I intend to perpetuate it). Also my professors are supposedly fantastic, and I bet the classes will be challenging but interesting and really keep me involved so I learn a great deal. I want to invest in everything I come across and actually expand my understanding of things to the greatest extent. And change, I'm excited because I don't really know what to expect, but I'm going to try my best to really enjoy it.

HellsYA

Salt and Sun

Mono Lake
Originally uploaded by Gretaash

Oh here I am and I'm just feeling time

Beginning Again

Mono Lake
Originally uploaded by Gretaash

I spent the summer (two months) traveling (camping) around the US and studying geology, anthropology, and ecology through my college's Interdisciplinary Field Program. I took a shit ton of photos- both digital and film, and I'm home now... and I feel like a new born.

Figuring it out

I think... just maybe... that things are coming together. Perhaps its been the uncanny resurfacing of the topic of death that has spurned this sudden interest in finally laying out the grid work for my near future. Perhaps its the lifestyle I must adopt for my summer trip and the implications that that approach to existence has for my values and those I will come to develop in the future. I know what sorts of experiences I want to have. And I believe I can make them happen, as long as something unexpected does not barricade me somehow. Which it is bound to do- but at least I now have some rudimentary plan. At least now I feel like I have direction, and that I actually want to pursue this new goal. The program fits in with my personal criteria for the life I want after college, and simultaneously suites the demands of proliferating my debt.

Americorps ... yeahhh. I was thinking I'd do Peace Corps, and get out of the country. But if I do an Americorps program for a year (NCCC) I can have loan deferment and an education stipend to use toward my loans. It will cover about a semester's worth of loans. But if I then go to VISTA Americorps for a year abroad, I can earn another. And then if I were to join the Peace Corps I could attend graduate school while abroad and active, and then have loan deferment and another stipend.

Perhaps I am simply procrastinating "real life". I do not want to be a waitress for some odd number of years and then fall into a career that I'm not interested in and settle down immediately. I think that if I get involved in these organizations, other opportunities for employment will manifest and I will be able to develop new goals, and continue to travel and explore and learn, while earning money to pay back these godforsaken loans (that I'm so glad exist, otherwise I wouldn't be in college at all...).

I think this could work...

On the other hand, if I had my way, I wouldn't be earning money at all. I would be WWOOFing and assuming the likeness of a nomad to the greatest possible degree until I stumbled upon some invigorating opportunity that captured my heart and mind.

But perhaps this method of more direct planning will be more fulfilling. Ahhhh I can't wait to explore!

Unbelievable Luck

My weekend was basically ruined because I thought I sent a message to someone I shouldn't have. I found out today, after torturing myself for roughly twenty hours, that I had the wrong number in my phone.

Life is beautiful again now that I'm not the dumbest misunderstood bitch on the planet.

Overload

Alright, this past week was a severe disappointment. I started working at Bolton, and my first two shifts I had the shittiest tasks one can be assigned. Dish room and Tables. Its work, so yes I am grateful for the payment opportunity, and perhaps the opportunity to meet some new people, but dear LORD I do not know if it is truly worth 6 bucks an hour(nach Taxes), when I'm there for four hours and .5 an hour is deducted for a meal break.

I had my first test in my German class today. I studied all week and then discovered that... eh, I basically blew it on the first page. At least 20 pts down the drain because I could NOT for the life of me, recall the vocabulary. The vocabulary I'd had three quizzes on and gotten 9/10 each time. Fuck my short term memory. Of terms that were not tested on but would have been helpful in explaining industrialization in Germany before WWI and the conditions of nation after the war, and how all the aspects of each were related, I could not remember "to cause" (verusachen) or "the soldier that was beat up" (which I still do not know). Gah, I have never done that poorly on any language exam. I'm beyond frustrated. Ich liebe Deutsch, und ich kann das nicht machen. Ich muss mehr Zeitstudieren verbringen.
Aber ich kann nicht! Ich have keinen Zeit! Ich bin so besetzt, dass ich kaum wach blieben kann. Und ich schlafe an viel, wie ich kann. FUCKKKKK

And Aldrich is expressing Myco symptoms. I cannot afford to take him to the vet... so basically he is going to suffer and make awful noises all night because he is struggling to breath, and I'm just going to sit there and pout and feel terrible. Damnt, I bought the fucking vermin last week and he's dying. If he were a toy I'd take him back, but thats not even something I would consider-I'm attached, I love the little brat, and its a RAT. What have I gotten myself involved in? I do not need any more stress. And although Gimoo is not showing respiratory distress, he is excreting this red goop out of his nose, which is another sign of the disease starting to affect him. So I think both my rats are going to die.

Fuck.

I'm sorry. I'm stressed. This was a pointless rant, because I feel guilty dumping this on my friends over and over again, and I hate hearing myself complain. It just makes me feel worse. And then I get upset that all I'm thinking of is myself. Fuck I gotta toke!

Gimoo and Aldrich

Originally uploaded by Gretaash

I changed Wombat to Aldrich and then invested in a friend for him. His name is Gimoo. (Nikuoro for "rat").

I think all my friends think I'm crazy. My brother said, "Dude, if I ever found out chick I was interested in had a thing for rats, I'd be so turned off." Well. Yeah, I can understand that completely. But the rats are AWESOME. So I do not care. If a guy thats after me finds my rats too disturbing, he doesn't have the backbone required to handle me anyway.

They are starting to have personalty traits I can identify. Gimoo is definitely dominant.

Ugh this next week might suck. I start working at Bolton and have two tests on Friday. But then I go home and see Frank, my Mum, and my sister and Baylee is coming to keep me company while I dog sit at my dad's house. So all the shit I put myself through this next week will pay off very well, but I just have to get to that point....